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March 23 StuffIf my body time clock didn't work, I'd go to sleep right now, at 7.17pm, and I wouldn't wake up until Saturday next week. Dancing didn't go too well. It's not about what happened but it's about how I acted towards people who wanted to talk to me. I just brushed them off and listened to those who can talk to me any other day. I'm sorry Joseph for being an ass. Maybe some day I can give you my email and you can read this. And Matt, I'm not after you anymore. So just keep being who you are because you're awesome, and hopefully I'll get over that awesomeness. Jay, see you tomorrow at the social, which I am not looking forward to. I might be a bitch there, too. Mark, Mark who talks to me before school each day I see him, I'm sorry for not being able to make conversation with you. Tomorrow I'll try harder because it takes alot to be able to just stroll up to girls and start talking to them. Next time don't critize my short shorts. I don't use my little sisters shorts! I don't have a little sister. See you tomorrow.
(None of these people will be reading this).
March 21 mine thoughtsyou're like a candycane, and it's like I'm on a diet..
Lets be friends until the 32nd March 18 things that have happened
March 12 thud.. thud.. thud..I can hear my dad demolishing the house. It shakes sometimes. This is normal though, he's been at it for so many years now. My room is done, upstairs is done, and now all he has to do is downstairs. I feel sorry for him sometimes. It must take so much energy to repair what is 'broken' down there especially since he has to deal with his tiling jobs all around and beyond town. This morning he came in and greeted me. He saw that had I'd finally woken up at 11.30 am. He's in a nice mood today.
-After Update-
Ah. Seems I'm wrong. I've shut both doors leading to my room and put the radio on. Why? Because I walked in to the living room and found my mum crying as a result of the arguments my dad and her have. This time they were bickering over who's more faithful to who- about how she feels that he demands too much of her. I use to care so much about them and I tried so hard to fix it somehow. Now I'm starting to realise that this isn't really my problem. This isn't my life and I can't fix it. I have to focus on what really is my life and what my life is going to be like. I can learn from this, I guess. Even though I can't do anything about it, I'm still affected by it. I can't hear them, I can't see them, but I know she's crying. March 11 Bike, Bike, Bike away...Up this hill and down another///
Today was so much fun. I haven't been bike riding with a friend for too long and even though I'm so out of shape at the moment, my friend and I managed to bike far. I think we biked far, by how tired I am it seems that we did bike far. We even found that our butt cheeks felt like they were bruised on our trip back home.
We ventured through Westlake Boys HighSchool. This was one of our main biking sites for the day, although it did not include much biking. As we sat under a tree we finally found after riding pointlessly through the unorganised school {The buildings were scattered all over which made it seem that the school wasn't big, but long.}, a guy passed us and stared at us as if he was confused about whether or not we were guys, and what we were doing there. Around about 100 guys were on the field playing cricket or something of that kind. The field was three times bigger than the Westlake Girls' field...- typical?
The icecream at the undiscovered icecream factory {nobody knows it exists!} was delicious. Cookies and Cream, piled on to a waffle cone... very nice. I didn't have the waffle cone because I didn't have 20 cents extra {and I had to borrow 5 cents to actually get the icecream} , but I can imagine. They give you so much for $1.60 that it seems like their 2 scoops is 4 scoops elsewhere!
We came home and collapsed in to computer chairs. I'm still in one, and my butt cheek situation isn't making my computer time very pleasant.
March 10 Wave to me, Ei?Haa, The weekend has come! Finally.
I'm free for the night as I've decided homework shall be pushed away for now... I don't need to do it just yet... I would've been going to a disco tonight from 7-10 but Westlake doesn't know how to book halls properly. Apparently the year 11's have it worse as they had their social postoned three times now. Three? Four? I don't know.
I've been walking home almost everyday since school started and each time I see the same people walking past me, with me, behind me or infront of me. One guy, not naming who, always walks past me. Ever since the very first walk, I've been waving to him and he always waves back, but lately I've noticed that it's always me that waves.
Today as I was walking home, I decided not to wave. I chewed away at my pear but I didn't want to look busy- he needed to see that I was doing it on purpose. So, I'm walking, and he's walking, and he looks at me as if I'm about to wave. It was offending. He had a kind of, 'oh god you're going to wave now', look on his face. Oh no, I won't wave, I thought. So I didn't... and I didn't wave to anybody at all today afterschool. I saw which people actually were in to waving or saying Hi, and I've taken note of them. It's odd how most of them aren't even my close friends but I've known this guy for two years now.
Last time something like this happened the girl asked me what was wrong. She wanted to know why I didn't wave. Haha.
My friend and I are going to do something to amuse ourselves...
I've got the post it notes, so now all we need to do is write! There are lockers in my school, nice shiny lockers with little gaps between each one to slip in notes. I see people do it so much on movies but never have I actually seen it done at Westlake. We won't be nasty, we'll just write things like, 'Have a nice day', or random things that'll make them wonder like, 'Live long and prosper', signed, 'Mr Spok'. Who knows? We'll get creative. Shall be amusing.
Hey look, there's my pear! March 09 "It has butter", Said I."It has butter", said I.
"No, take some porridge, it doesn't", said she.
"Don't lie to me, -mother-"
I know there was butter in there. I smelt it. It smelt of butter.
"There's not a single slab of butter in this house!" Lied Grandmother. I walked away. I needed help. In maths, in science... those little things that you forget every now and then that just don't seem to linger long enough. So I gathered a few books and headed on downstairs. Very slowly, as I still had my heels on. My brother would help me. He always did. He knows everything. He's my reliable brain box, except he's my brother also. Except when he's away at work or whatever- then he can't help me.
I peered in slowly. He lay on his couch, curled up, remote in hand. He had his eyes closed. The music was loud. It wasn't screamo, but instead very depressing, in a way. It was beautiful. You listen, and reality comes to you. That explains the state he was in. I imagined what his life was like now... he doesn't tell us much. So, he has a successful job and he has a family. But does he have someone to love? Somebody special he can share anything with? Or does he not desire it. I think he does. He needs someone.
I left him now. I didn't want to disturb him, it would mean he'd have to turn off the music. I walked over to the garage. It was crammed in there- plenty of bits and pieces pushed to the sides. There was a hole in the corner where the walls met. That explained the random visits from cats. The garage was dark. I placed my science book on top of the boot of Granddad's car. How would I not know this? I do know this. I do... it's nothing but a simple pie graph, with statistics that don't add equally to 100! I knew this. I dont know how I forgot. I stood there for a second, and then moved closer to the hole. A stream of light shone out of it and on to me. A tear fell from my eye. More like, dragged down. Dancing didn't go too well. My friends got chosen- every single one of them. Stephanie, Olivia... every single one. But not Emily, she, I, Emily, did not get chosen. 'Who cares, this isn't the end of the world!', I thought- she who saw everything in a more more dramatic perspective than it really was. He wasn't there today at dancing. I'm thinking of him. He doesn't know. It won't make a difference if he did...--dot(s).--
I looked at myself in the mirror to find that I didn't look too bad. Why did I look so bad at dancing in their mirror? Perhaps the 'not too bad' state evaporates in to air thinner than thin when I am compared to those professionals. I wiped the tear off my face. There is no reason for me to shed these, I thought. My mum has ajob now, I'm not failing school, and my friends... well, I have friends. Good ones, too. I also have alot of homework, and I feel horrible when I snap at people with my 'too sleepy to care' voice. Social tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it after what didn't happen at dancing. I don't want 77 guys running for me but one would be nice.
I didn't know who to vent at, my friends have been vented on enough. I didn't know who to tell, so I told the blog world. Why must I tell anyway? Now every can see. Big deal or not. I don't mind. If you're still reading, then cool, and if you've stopped... then be it. The music has changed now. It makes me feel... 'Get over it, Emily, life goes on'
That's interesting. I'm not in this situation, but, what if the mountain that you're climbing is growing as you climb it? What now? You can't climb faster. Mountains are dangerous. Life is dangerous but at the same time too safe.
Cliche'.
The weekend is soon. I'll be alright. We'll be alright. It'll be alright. Frustration won't last.
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